It is through a series of unfortunate events that has lead me to write this, although I don't normally like talking about myself, I have to express how I feel and why I do the things that would have people believe I am a small scale delinquent if I deserve the title. The first of these events was the airport I was due to arrive in the next day on an early flight caught fire, so there is a good chance that I may not make it home. I write this as I experience the situation unravelling around me, and it does have the same sense as unravelling in light of my terrible day. The second incident was getting called out of class to be tested for recreational drugs, a test I am sure to fail as the previous Saturday and even Sunday I had been smoking weed with my friends, who didn't somehow get called in for the same test I faced, I count them lucky. As for myself, I can only speculate on what could get worse today, maybe that is what's compelling me to stay inside and write this. The third incident was that the local traffic department was closed due to a strike, having been open a few days previous, this means I can't get the documents I need to get my driver's licence, which is a very tedious task in itself.
Why is a question I was asked a lot today: "Why did you get called out of class?", "Why did you smoke?", "Why, after being asked and asked again, have you continued to get into trouble?".
The last question was directed at me by my Father, generally nice and funny and kind until he gets angry, but he wasn't, he was very disappointed. "I just can't tell you how disappointed I am." This is the chord that always strikes me worst, it just makes me feel like the least considerate person in the whole world. I will answer "why" I do these things, and it does take a lot of thought to find out why I do these things.
When I was in preparatory school, it was a general trend to sneak out of our beds and play tag and other such childhood games, the rush of playing it under the cover of darkness and with the risk of getting caught, or hiding and avoiding the trouble was always too tantalising to resist. Since I was sent to boarding school at the age of 6, I was very easily impressionable by what the older boys would do, including sneaking out of the boarding house and maybe stealing food from the staff room. Another popular past time was playing Pokémon, even though we weren't allowed game boys to play the game. Nonetheless, boys brought their games to school, and those without would watch. I was the latter, and when I did get the game I played it nonstop at school, even in class a couple of times. These were all just fun and games, but wouldn't I follow what I was used to? When my friends started smoking weed, I was amongst the first few who would do it regularly, and since there was always someone to do it with, why not join them?
This all feeds back into me being a slight delinquent, I guess it's just that I have always been, and haven't been worse at hiding it now, since I do get caught a lot here compared to my prep school, it's that I have done so many things, it's a wonder I only got caught this many times. I suppose I don't know what else to do other than what I know, and unfortunately this is it. I really hope this doesn't extend to breaking the law, I don't want to, I can't see the gain in it, it's just that I don't know what else I would do.
It's funny how a series of unfortunate events lead one to question so much.